Bullet of Life Complete

Well, what can I say? From the early brewings of an idea almost a year ago (August 2005) till clicking the "RENDER MOVIE" button of my non-linear editing software today...it's been a tremendous learning experience to produce my latest short film: a 35 minute gangster saga about loyalty, betrayal and of course, ninjas.

I remember I was in NYC for an open house at NYU when I discussed this short film idea I had with dad at some Chinese restaurant.  Three months later, I had a rough script and with the help of Ray and other friends, I set out to begin bringing the pieces of a grass-roots film production together.  Asking friends, putting in cast and crew calls on websites, researching do-it-yourself equipment, visiting Loews and Home Depot to buy odd items; sawing, drilling, hammering, sanding; calling, hoping, discussing; praying, despairing, more praying; and finally, breakthroughs on all fronts: people committing, film equipment (however shoddy) being put together, actors memorizing their lines, friends opening up their houses for us to shoot in...and finally, the first day of production begins.

The beginnings of a new adventure is always filled with such a mixture of emotions: excitement, worry, fun, frustration...snow storms pummeled at us during the shoot, freezing cold temperatures hampered our progress, broken props equipment, flaky actors giving everyone a hard time, restless nights of stress, a few small triumphs but quickly interrupted by more stress, why do I do this?

Any artist will attest to the joy and thrill of creating something wonderful, something that is yours and above all, having an audience who will appreciate the beautiful creation forged through countless hours of blood, tears and sweat.  There is no other feeling in my life that has been able to match that.  And so I strive to create constantly, because that is what I was born to do.

Bullet of Life is my biggest film project to date.  Spanning a runtime of just under 35 minutes, it features an ensemble cast of mostly my friends, and friends of friends, and one professional actor.  We used entirely plastic beebee guns (Ray so generously contributed), Sally's basement, Ray's apartment, my basement and shot guerilla style on the streets of DC, VA and other places...begging strangers for charity and to be a part of my ambitious vision.

I spent several weeks in my basement researching, designing and assembling a home-made dolly, steadicam, a 35mm adapter (which I never used), cheap light stands that fell over and various thingamajigs that I used (to some extent) on the set.  The rest of the time was spent figuring out how to coordinate people's schedules and how to transport things to and fro to locations and back, driving there, setting up, shooting and trying to finish within a reasonable hour, feeding people, then tearing down, cleaning up, thank everyone, come home, collapse exhausted and then wake up to do it all over again.  Actual filming itself lasted 10 days over the month of December 2005.  The cold and the snow didn't make things any easier. 

Looking back, would I trade this experience for something else?  Absolutely not.  Everything and anything went wrong during the production, but filmmaking is a mini-life, a small adventure, almost a metaphor for life in general...and it is all so sweet.

After filming, I spent the next 8+ months in post-production, not constantly, as I had school and a job, but many hours nonetheless, and this stage was perhaps the most tedious and frustrating of all.  All my weaknesses as an artist bubbled to the surface, all my mistakes and shortcomings, lack of foresight, lack of skill, lack of anything and everything all became magnified on my computer screen and I witnessed first hand how limited I was, how narrow-minded my world-view was, how silly and insignificant were my previously held confidences as an artist, and how miraculous the sovereignty of God had helped me emerge through the whole process with enough material to complete a rudimentary independent film that I could be remotely proud of.

I was greatly humbled, I held my head down low, I acknowledged my need to learn, I prayed for wisdom, I asked for forgiveness.  Forgiveness?  Yes, for all the years I wasted, not being more passionate to attend to my duties.  Many times, I was ashamed of my creation, ambitious and impressive as it was, I still held it up, examined it with disgust, focusing on its flaws...wondering how on earth did I ever create something of such low caliber.  But I did not forget all the times when grace was granted to so unworthy a craftsman and I looked up and thanked him. 

Perhaps I am being too hard on myself, but on the lighter side of things, I am content with my discontent, and now i hunger all the more to create increasingly better art, my weaknesses exposed in the limelight, I have been rudely awakened, convictions shaken and passions renewed, and now...I shall continue to strive towards greatness with the almighty at my side, and pray that one day, I shall stand before the great throne hearing the words, "well done, good and faithful servant."
Bullet of Life is complete.  Amen, and it is just the beginning.