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Yesterday i joined my friend's wedding as groom's man...
well it is my first time to be a groom's man..
it is also my first time to wear Philippine traditional wear Barong!!
i think i do look like Filipino when i wear it...
I'm very happy to attend my freind's wedding..and one of the main reason is i found my long lost friend!
This guy disappeared all of a sudden 5 or 6 years ago...
i tried to find him but unfortunately failed..
when the time he stepped in the church i really cant believe my eyes!
damn!it is him!!!!!
i'm really happy to see him..
so after the ceremony we went to starbucks and start catching up..
We talked a lot and updated things happening to us for past years....
But when i heard his story i really got affected...
Because it is something can only happen in the movie usually and which changed him a lot..
This friend of mine is really rich when the time i know him..
his family owns biggest portion of leather market in his country..
based on my memory he never worries about money..
but 2 years ago because of natural disaster in his country their business got severe impact
and almost get bankcrupt..
though luckily they are able to recover it slowly but i can see clearly it gives him really big impact!
the pressure,the worries,the stress,the frustration...
everything looks so similar to my situation right now...
the diffrence is his is past and mine is just happening....
recently i feel so down because of the current situation..
i know their is nothing i can do about the global crisis..
but i just cant help but to keep thinking what i can do for the situation like this..
really worry.............
i feel so insecure...so lost..............
im struggling hard now to find the way out but i really feel no confident at all....
when teh time i look at other people beside me..
i cant help but to think how come im not able to do the way they are..
they all look so success..their future is so bright...
but mine......i dont know....i really dont know.......
i tried to find something to do...i want to make myself busy....
it is because i know making myself busy is the only way for me not to focus my feeling...
but......every time when im alone....the fear just appears again and again....
i know until i achieve something this feeling wont vanish easily....
my friend told me that after his family business problem he encountered another disaster...
which pushed him to a deeper frustration during that time...
his girlfriend almost died due to some genetic disorder...
when the time he described it i was really affected...
the scene that your beloved one just fainted in front of you...
though his gf is lucky enough to survive but according to him..
she is bald now and unhealthy due to the chemical therapy..
and the doctor told him that this disorder will happen again though it might be after several years..
but when it happen again this girl wont be able to make it once more...
he told me they were supposed to get marry lat year...
but it happend suddenly...he was so shocked...
im sure it is really a nightmare for him based on his expression...
i cant imagine how hard it is for him.....
im so affected by his stories....both business and love life....
i really dont know how to describe how i feel now...
but one thing im so sure now is......im so lonely..im so helpless....
i wish i can find the way out...
i wish there is someone there for me.....
but those wishes are so difficult to happen....
to find the solution on global crisis is tough...
to find someone who i can love and being loved in return is so hard also...
all i can do now is just wish.....
carefree is the feeling i need now...
im so lost........so down.......really down..............
