推薦這個部落格: 33
每年的今天我都並不感到快樂~~
甚至不喜歡它的來臨
感覺~少了甚麼~
但卻說不出是甚麼
在替別人慶祝時我甚至還比較開心
但當自己是主角時卻只想一個人躲起來
覺得自己一個反而輕鬆自在
或許我已習慣替別人想
當這個只屬於自己的日子來臨時我卻無法習慣成為大家的焦點
試著問自己為什麼會這樣~
但每一年卻都找不到答案
我不禁開始懷疑自己是不是大家認為應該要快樂的日子自己反而越覺得不快樂呢?!
是因為自己已習慣不被重視卻時常扮演重視他人比重視自己要多而產生的負面影響嗎?
或許也覺得其實這個日子只不過是一個他們的例行公事吧~
我不知道~但我已經習慣了自己一個人的世界~
我已習慣在這個沒人理解我的環境中掙扎著~
所以可能因此在這個特別的日子我反而覺得特別孤單~
因為看著周遭許許多多的人卻沒有一個是了解我的人
他們的好意我只好無奈的接受~
嘴角擠出虛假的笑容只盼望這一天趕快結束~
因為這一天~我真的不覺得快樂
只覺得好累~好累~好孤單~~
我的心已很久沒感受到真正因喜悅而跳動的感覺了~~~
生日~~快樂嗎........................並不快樂
利益當頭真的是人不為己天誅地滅!
有錢的用錢壓死你~
沒錢的用手段害死你~~
但說來說去都是為了自己的利益~~~
當然我相信還是有跟我一樣的蠢蛋相信"我不負人人不負我"和"誠心對待"的人存在著~
不過真的不多~~~
往往這種自私為己的人都是身邊最親近的人~如朋友~如親戚~如兄弟~甚至是父子都有~~
每當以為跟你最好的人最能信任但往往劇情卻不是這樣發展~
結果也最令人痛心!
我不敢說自己不自私~但我一直記得長輩說的ㄧ句話"君子愛財取之有道"
人生中有數不盡的誘惑讓我幾次都在道德邊緣游走~
但好在良心總是能戰勝了被慾望所衝昏的頭~
所以起碼對得起自己的良心~
不過有許多人卻往往過不了利慾薰心的階段而不擇手段的奪取他人之物~
多年來的辛苦與付出被無視~
用盡各種高壓手段來逼迫強奪~
而我們又無可奈何~單純的就因為他們有錢有勢~
難道有錢就是這付德性嗎?難道不是更應該腳踏實地並心存感激的去維護現在所擁有的ㄧ切嗎?
我很慶幸在我這麼年輕的階段能看到這麼多人類貪婪的ㄧ面~
給了我一個很好的警惕!
我確信我會有成功的那一天~
而他們就是我最好的借鏡~
讓我可時時刻刻的反省不要在以後便的跟他們一樣能為了利益違背良心還自以為正派
我不生氣因為我始終相信不是不到是時候未到的法則~
他們在我的眼裡指算是個活生生的笑話與見證~
Yesterday i joined my friend's wedding as groom's man...
well it is my first time to be a groom's man..
it is also my first time to wear Philippine traditional wear Barong!!
i think i do look like Filipino when i wear it...
I'm very happy to attend my freind's wedding..and one of the main reason is i found my long lost friend!
This guy disappeared all of a sudden 5 or 6 years ago...
i tried to find him but unfortunately failed..
when the time he stepped in the church i really cant believe my eyes!
damn!it is him!!!!!
i'm really happy to see him..
so after the ceremony we went to starbucks and start catching up..
We talked a lot and updated things happening to us for past years....
But when i heard his story i really got affected...
Because it is something can only happen in the movie usually and which changed him a lot..
This friend of mine is really rich when the time i know him..
his family owns biggest portion of leather market in his country..
based on my memory he never worries about money..
but 2 years ago because of natural disaster in his country their business got severe impact
and almost get bankcrupt..
though luckily they are able to recover it slowly but i can see clearly it gives him really big impact!
the pressure,the worries,the stress,the frustration...
everything looks so similar to my situation right now...
the diffrence is his is past and mine is just happening....
recently i feel so down because of the current situation..
i know their is nothing i can do about the global crisis..
but i just cant help but to keep thinking what i can do for the situation like this..
really worry.............
i feel so insecure...so lost..............
im struggling hard now to find the way out but i really feel no confident at all....
when teh time i look at other people beside me..
i cant help but to think how come im not able to do the way they are..
they all look so success..their future is so bright...
but mine......i dont know....i really dont know.......
i tried to find something to do...i want to make myself busy....
it is because i know making myself busy is the only way for me not to focus my feeling...
but......every time when im alone....the fear just appears again and again....
i know until i achieve something this feeling wont vanish easily....
my friend told me that after his family business problem he encountered another disaster...
which pushed him to a deeper frustration during that time...
his girlfriend almost died due to some genetic disorder...
when the time he described it i was really affected...
the scene that your beloved one just fainted in front of you...
though his gf is lucky enough to survive but according to him..
she is bald now and unhealthy due to the chemical therapy..
and the doctor told him that this disorder will happen again though it might be after several years..
but when it happen again this girl wont be able to make it once more...
he told me they were supposed to get marry lat year...
but it happend suddenly...he was so shocked...
im sure it is really a nightmare for him based on his expression...
i cant imagine how hard it is for him.....
im so affected by his stories....both business and love life....
i really dont know how to describe how i feel now...
but one thing im so sure now is......im so lonely..im so helpless....
i wish i can find the way out...
i wish there is someone there for me.....
but those wishes are so difficult to happen....
to find the solution on global crisis is tough...
to find someone who i can love and being loved in return is so hard also...
all i can do now is just wish.....
carefree is the feeling i need now...
im so lost........so down.......really down..............
Last night my brother told me thta my sister is pregnant..
but when i heard it my emotion is really complicated....
well, i should be happy for them and for my family
i like kids, and i'm glad to become uncle....
but...when i think about their future..the kid's future...i'm worried!
everything is so unstable now..
they still have many things need to do and adjust..
honestly..i really think it is not a right time for them to have a baby..
income is not stable, mind set is still immature, relationship needs adjustment..
hay...i really want to congrat them..but deep inside my heart i'm just so worried!
well...the only thing i hope now is if bec of this kid they can be more responsible then it is good...
but if they just keep the same way then it is really worrisome.....
just hope evrything will be alright...
personally i don't think it should happen this way...
we are all unique individual created by god
we all have our own way of thinking...
though the concept between you guys is different
but is it sharp enough to cut the ties between you and us....?
well...i respect your decision...and there is nothing i can do about with
just hope everything will get fine after time passes by...
bec the seed of argument is not based on hetre but concern and personal principles
all i can do now is let it be....
but just feel sad that i lose another important person in my life
