May 27, 2007
It had been a dramatic change, from MD field to pharmaceutical, from HC to CN, from cool to hot, from wet to dry, from restricted to open and free style, from the largest city of this nation to the most rural place I'd ever lived. (Christchurch, you can stay in peace now, you are not the least citified place I'd lived now.)
My life style did not change much as I always managed. The flatting part is still exciting as my work, just as I told T the other night, which I really don't want to think about muc now. I just wonder how ML would grow up from this town... This town is so not him.
Living by the Science-Based Park, life didn't get more convinient, only more expensive. People seemed to enjoy to extract money from whom they believed to earn high salaries. I hate that attitude.
I went to see HP yesterday... it's scary. Just like what occurred to me the day before the last day of my days in HC, I suddenly withdraw all my affection towards her and felt scared. I don't know what I am scared of, but I can smell the fear from myself, from my own skin and it is very uncomfortable.
I won't go to TP other than bussiness trips now... I swear... It's so horrible. I don't know what happened, but as we spoke, I don't know what had changed, I felt empty and loneliness diffuse from the air into my skin.
I must have hurt her somehow.
I don't know.
I don't know... I felt something is coming up. Can somebody tell me what that is, or who that is? I feel the danger life threatening. And I don't think it's me being paranoid.
I can't do anything crazy now... Can I afford to? I'm all empty hearted, empty pursed, and empty handed. HP is gone. We said so long last night in front of CS station.
I don't know.
Maybe that was not meant to be interpreted that way, but it was in the air.
And something is coming up, after this departure, or the arrival of the end of this connection.
Sun is bright and hot and summer has come. I will stay in the house during this summer and think about what I have become of. And I plan to buy a house. I should get prepared, too.